


I Hope You Fall Down With Your Hands In Your Pockets

by futuretrapqueen



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 02:37:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4546926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futuretrapqueen/pseuds/futuretrapqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo doesn't mind shopping. He really doesn't, but shopping with Cristiano is an experience, to say the least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hope You Fall Down With Your Hands In Your Pockets

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know, it was stuck in my head. Hope you like it :)

"Cris, for fucks sake, we've been here for _five_   _hours_."

"Well if you helped me instead of whining like a little bitch ..."

"I've been trying to, _guapo_ , but every time I suggest something you make _the face_."

Cristiano made _the_ _face_.

"See? What the hell!"

"Ugh, whatever Leo, just - tell me what you think of this okay?"

Leo didn't mind shopping. He really didn't.

When he was alone, he'd just walk into a store, pick out a few simple pieces in his size, pay for them and get out. It took him, thirty, maybe forty minutes but never more than that.

Cristiano though ...

Shopping with Cristiano - especially at his beloved Giorgio Armani - was an experience all in itself.

He should have known better, really. Cristiano didn't do anything quickly, but he had promised Leo that all he needed was a couple of shirts, a pair of jeans and maybe a jacket or two.

Seemed easy enough, but when your boyfriend is the Commander-and-Chief of the LXM - _League of Extraordinary Metrosexuals_ \- you should take everything they say with a grain of salt.

Or two.

Or ten.

Cristiano was trying on a camel colored, wool blend double breasted overcoat that cinched his waist expertly.

"What do you think?"

"I think you look great, babe."

And then he made _the face_.

"Yeah if I was Sherlock Holmes. I'll just go and give Watson a call. See if he wants to solve a few mysteries, let me just grab my hat and pipe. Jesus Christ, Leo. What the fucks wrong with you?"

Leo took a deep breath. _Just ignore him_. he thought. _You know how he is_.

The next coat Cristiano tried on was a black leather and knit blouson with a chrome zipper that ran diagonally down the right side. It fit Cris like a glove.

Leo's mouth watered.

"Baby, you look amazing."

"I look like fucking Morpheus. Should I take the red pill or the blue pill? Hey, maybe we should go visit the oracle? I bet I could bend that fucking spoon too. Seriously Leo, we need to get your eyes checked."

 _BREATHE_ Leo reminded himself.

"Why don't you try on some of the shirts you picked out?"

Cristiano made _the face_ again.

"I mean, why not? It's not like I've found anything that doesn't make me look hideous ..."

Leo just shook his head. _This is the man I love? Good fucking lord_.

Cristiano slipped on a simple two toned grey and slate blue crewneck sweater that showed off his sculpted back perfectly.

Leo didn't say anything.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

" _Well_ how do I look, Leo?"

And okay. _Breathe Leo you can do this_.

"I think ... the shirt fits you very well. It - it shows off your physique and I like the color on you ..."

Leo gulped audibly.

"Makes your tan pop ..."

"..."

"..."

"Well _thank you_ Captain Kirk."

 _Jesus Christ not again_.

"It's good to know that I, Spock, can count on your humble fucking opinion. We should probably gas up the Starship Enterprise, the Klingongs might attack soon. I'll just give my ears a quick shine and then we'll get Scotty to beam us the fuck up!"

Leo groaned. "Cristiano ..."

"No, you know what? I'm all done for today. Let's go home, I've had enough."

Something inside Leo short circuited and his left eye began to twitch uncontrollably.

They had been.

In this fucking store.

For _five_ _._

 _Hours_.

"I don't think so, Cristiano." the Argentine said, with way too much composure. "You're buying _something_. You have to buy _something_. We've been here all day, you have to buy _something_."

Cristiano made _the face_. "Leo ..."

"NO!"

And yes, Leo _was_ shouting in the middle of Giorgio Armani.

"YOU ARE BUYING SOMETHING! WE'VE BEEN HERE ALL DAY SO YOU'RE GOING TO SUCK IT UP, YOU FRACTIOUS PRIMA DONNA, AND YOU'RE GOING TO BUY SOMETHING! I DON'T CARE IF YOU, SHERLOCK HOLMES, MORPHEUS AND FUCKING SPOCK DON'T LIKE ANYTHING IN THIS OVERPRICED PIECE OF SHIT STORE! I AM NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU AND YOUR OVERWORKED CREDIT CARD HAVE DONE SOME MOTHERFUCKING DAMAGE!"

~

"I can't believe you made me buy these."

"Stop talking Cristiano."

"Seriously Leo. Socks? I don't need socks."

 _What you need is a swift kick to the head_ Leo thought to himself.

"They're bamboo aren't they? They're supposed to be extra soft."

"It just seems like a waste of money."

"Well then, consider it payback for wasting my entire day."

And of course, Cristiano made _the face_.

"Just stop it Cris, alright? Fuck, seriously next time I'm just taking your miserable ass to Walmart."

"..."

"..."

"What - what's a _w_ _almart?"_


End file.
